Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole

…Oy have been somewhat owverwhilmed lightly. The name is Bumhole. Vercingetorix Bumhole. Yow may call moy Vercingetorix, althow oy will alsow answer to Bumhole.”

Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole not unreasonably took this ejaculation as his cue and rose from his chair.

Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole, anticipating for much the same reasons as those just mentioned that he would not be received in the Vert Rouge salon behind the Queen Anne façade, straightaway forsook those purlieus, making his way across the City Centre, and was presently to be observed trudging along Jamaica Street where, turning smartly to the left in front of the place of business of Mr Crass Cheseham, he strode just…

Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole fancied himself the soul of discretion. For this reason, and also because of a certain fastidiousness regarding the notion that an upstart such as Mr Crass Cheseham should have him at his beck and call, he allowed some few moments to elapse following the departure of that gentleman, during which he assiduously buttered up Mr Milton Djugashvili, and just as assiduously condescended to the rest of the…

…wouldn’t have happened if his blackmailer had been someone lower down the social order, such as that upstart Vercingetorix Bumhole.

One who particularly smarted under the yoke of eminent Olympian blitheness was Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole. This gentleman most especially resented his thralldom on account of the fact that he found himself subject to the whims, not of a single deity, but of a species of Holy Trinity. It may be readily conceived how unpleasant for him had been his being at the disposal of the brutishness of Mr Crass Cheseham.…

…On this account, which is to say on account of the overtures of Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole in respect of the proposed restoration of the Buggery appanages, the rightful holder of the Buggery appanages, viz. Mr Roger Buggery, has lately found himself inclined, somewhat against what we laughingly call his better nature, to swallow what we with comparable hilarity call his pride, and to butter up to the Tories.

The precautions taken by the authorities proved well-advised, for Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole had once again set himself up as a vey cheritable lendlord in Montpelier Park (although in whose interest he was acting was this time obscure; it was the sort of thing Old MacDonald revelled in, and also the sort of thing which Mr Milton Djugashvili played an emotionless role in arranging and managing. I rather suspect that Sir…

…to the credit of the Conservative interest, given the hand taken in the affair by that frowsy brummagem Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole. Indeed, the more he thought about it, the more - although still vey little - he regretted his own indifference in letting pass without remark the latter-named gentleman’s denunciation of Mr Helix Folt’s whistleblowing as the stammered maunderings of a lisping Asperjew. Although not personally speaking disposed to antisemitism,…

Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole it was who had set this particular wheel in motion when, upon learning of Lord Handjob’s passing, he had notified his Lordship’s executors of Mrs Roger Buggery’s address. At the vey moment when Mrs Roger Buggery learnt of her good fortune, Mr Vercingetorix Buggery happened to be savouring a gluten-free organic pig in a blanket washed down with a pint of wholesome Californian ale in the Unlettered…