Mr Roger Buggery, never one to let conscience or convictions impede the advancement of that indisputable paragon of upstanding moral excellence whom the world knows as Mr Roger Buggery, is moreover blessed with a vey keen sense of the way the wind blows. On this account, which is to say on account of the overtures of Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole in respect of the proposed restoration of the Buggery appanages, the rightful holder of the Buggery appanages, viz. Mr Roger Buggery, has lately found himself inclined, somewhat against what we laughingly call his better nature, to swallow what we with comparable hilarity call his pride, and to butter up to the Tories. —
Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole, Mr Roger Buggery
Mr Helix Folt, while professing himself by no means unwilling to undertake almost any service on behalf of such a fine fellow and fast friend as Mr Roger Buggery, is moved to evince, vey politely it must be said, certain reservations on this one score. —
Helix Folt
Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole observes their arrival and, divining that Messrs MacDonald and Djugashvili have neglected to make provision for the refuelling of their supporters, determines that this oversight may with advantage be remedied by himself. Accordingly, he straightaway solicits from the cash machines embedded in several of the shopfronts lining Ashley Road and Stokes Croft some vey generous funds, these being deployed to great effect in the securing of a monopolistic stake in certain of the fortifying liquors beloved of the imbibing fraternity in that neighbourhood. Thus caparisoned, Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole sets up a species of charity bar in Montpelier Park, in the form of a mountain of tins and bottles with which the imbibing fraternity and eke sorority are cordially invited to make free, provided only that they undertake to lend their voices as raucously as possible to the manful struggle of Dr Mark Wankstain against the rising tide of Bolshevism. —
Montpelier
Mr Helix Folt, who is perhaps the only disinterested observer with the integrity to care about Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole’s scandalous treating of electors, arrives as the day duly descends from democracy into the degenerate shambles in which Montpelier customarily wallows - albeit with the singular and unprecedented anomaly that on this day the raucousness is all in the Conservative interest. Mr Helix Folt, scrupling as he does always to think the best of people, hesitates to inculpate the Candidate; for did he not receive the solemn assurance of that gentleman, that it was all about the triangulation? Mr Helix Folt, recalling this phrase, recalls also and assays to swallow again his regurgitated perplexity. His already precarious equanimity vey soon receives a further jolt, however, when he chances to witness the arrival in Montpelier Park of Mr Tad Curmudgeonly. This seigneurial gentleman, sneering his way through the great unwashed, approaches the charity bar and engages the landlord thereof in a conversation bearing vey many of the marks of a master-servant relationship, at the conclusion of which a thick brown envelope is produced from the Curmudgeonly bosom and vey punctiliously deposited in the Bumhole bosom. —
thick brown envelope
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