Mr Crass Cheseham

…of his uncle’s verbiage at least one nugget, namely that Uncle Curmudgeonly felt a profound personal distaste for Mr Crass Cheseham.

Dr Mark Wankstain had further occasion for rejoicing when, early on the morrow, Mr Crass Cheseham unexpectedly presented himself before the frosted glass of the Casa Ledwitch. Dr Mark Wankstain, plastering to the front of his face a perfectly blinding rictus of joy, perused the Cheseham person with his practiced eye for tailoring. Cheseham made, if the truth be told, a most unlikely gigolo. Somewhat lackadaisical as to his sartorial…

MR CRASS CHESEHAM’S ROLE IN THE GREAT ARROGATION

…In short order, a number of mountebanks and charlatans, chief among these being, inevitably, Mr Crass Cheseham, made it their business to “like really like fuckin’ like put like Montyfuckinpee like on like fuckin’ like the like fuckin’ like map, like I mean it’s like fuckin’ like fuckin’”. Mr Cheseham, drawing on his travels to various far-flung outposts of urban edginess - Goa & Varanasi & Berlin & etc -…

Mr Crass Cheseham pauses to spit erstwhile hawked mucus into one of the nondescript and sickly shrubs adorning that garden of earthly delights, then slouches towards Charybdis, in which yet coyly reposes that spring’s voluptuous siren. On her part, there is a deal of pouting, and the coquettish fluttering of eyelashes upon plump cheeks. It wants an Enobarbus of the grotesque; nor is there even a Mark Anthony, but only…

Mr Crass Cheseham appears before the Buggery threshold quite soon thereafter. Mrs Gamina Dročerpyatova-Buggery opens the door to him in her gold lamé & cubic zirconia microkini which, upon her adoption of one of her disconcertingly frank postures, exhibits most advantageously her outer labial folds; whilom, as her apologia might be rendered in the tongue of Mr Helix Folt, stopping just this side of the pale of itenite lewdness.

Mr Crass Cheseham was vey little disposed to rejoice in the company of the personage who had been so good as to take the part of the troisième during the menage described in the preceding chapter of the present chronicle. Much as it was entirely understandable that one such as Mr Cheseham should resent the egregious Wankstainian tendency of interposing himself between a fellow and the public trough at which…

…question tends rather to promote than to impede certain projects dear to the respective parties. For his part, Mr Crass Cheseham finds that the intimations vouchsafed unto him by Mr Roger Buggery suggest to him that the advent of Dr Mark Wankstain is not quite as catastrophic to his interests as he has been accustomed to suppose; whereas Mr Roger Buggery for his part finds that the intimations vouchsafed unto…

…trudging along Jamaica Street where, turning smartly to the left in front of the place of business of Mr Crass Cheseham, he strode just as smartly over the threshold of the Bell End and, maintaining this thoroughly condign dignity, was served ale and dry roasted nuts.These he carried through the back door and up the steps into the backyard of the premises just named, emerging onto an enclosed concrete platform,…

…For this reason, and also because of a certain fastidiousness regarding the notion that an upstart such as Mr Crass Cheseham should have him at his beck and call, he allowed some few moments to elapse following the departure of that gentleman, during which he assiduously buttered up Mr Milton Djugashvili, and just as assiduously condescended to the rest of the petty, piffling, putrid sowshalists. Eventually, having determined that Mr…

…It must be said that she did not take a great deal of pleasure in Mr Crass Cheseham’s company at the hustings. Mr Cheseham was, to deploy an usage familiar to the reader withal utterly alien to Mrs Roger Buggery, the vey personification of ill-favoured gentleman wont to be met with in pleasure gardens of the most insalubrious kind. He smelled of socks and sweat and cigarettes, he hawked and…

…The proprietor of the latter establishment, Mr Crass Cheseham, finding congenial the weirdness of the prevailing culture of the former establishment, preferred as a rule to take his refreshments within its portals rather than within those of the Bellend just around the corner, where the company tended to take its topers as it found them and therefore did not appreciate his particular brand of crotte de toreau.