Mr Crass Cheseham, seated at a table in the Ghastly Hipster Opposite Turbo Island, found that the article he was reading induced in him a certain quality of dyspepsia. The encomium in question, a powder puff paean eulogising the virtues of half a dozen local and organic purveyors of colonic irrigation, and occupying a handsome double-page spread in the current issue of the Stokes Croft Twat, had, he strongly suspected, been paid for by Sir Hearty Luncheon and his bankster chums. Framed in the top right hand corner, the retouched countenance of Miss Minerva Ledwitch, looking as Edwardian as ever, favoured the world with a giaconda smirk, and as the galling reminder of his usurpation in her affections, wounded him deeply. —
Ghastly Hipster opposite Turbo Island, Mr Crass Cheseham, The list of ingredients
Mr Crass Cheseham, seeking respite from his desolation, looked up, and stared at the entwined forms of Dr Mark Wankstain and Ms. Gamina Dročerpyatova, these two being engaged in a prolonged bout of tonsil hockey at a table nearby. Dr Mark Wankstain was as exquisitely tailored as ever, whereas for her part Ms. Gamina Dročerpyatova was as ever half naked. Mr Crass Cheseham found that the spectacle of their coupling did not wholly improve his mood, especially as he had arranged to meet the Director of Poncemaking for luncheon. —
Dr Mark Wankstain, Poncemaking, Gamina Dročerpyatova-Buggery
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