Hawksmoor Perroquet

…To be seen, fastidiously keeping within the margins of the cycle lane there depeynted: a large African Grey parrot, astride a tiny scooter. Perched behind this creature was a most comely blue and yellow budgerigar. And what might you expect to see, following in the wake of this slightly ill-assorted pair, being towed on a two-wheeled and comparably diminutive trailer, and lying in state upon a bed of cotton wool…

“I, Hawksmoor Perroquet, on this April Fool’s Day do take an oath before Bakunin, Kropotkin and Proudhon, the presiding spirits of non-hierarchical social organisation, here in this profane temple, that I will refrain from all equine anaesthetics, talcums of Medellin, and amphetamine-based substances for a period of twenty-one years to come. And this I swear upon the Book of Autonomous Actions now lying open before me, and may I be…

…Would you happen to have heard tell of one Hawksmoor Perroquet?”

“Suffice to say, when he virst come to our zitty, that perroket did build ’is self a bower, hover on Windmill ’ill, hout hov the grasses and twigs and verns and mud which do abound in that knoll, and also the spit from ’is own craw, such no doubt being in haccordance with the traditional customs and hinstinks of hall perrokets. Howsomever, ’e bein’ a vain creetur, ’is bower did…

…table, perched on an infant’s high chair opposite that windy chump Mr Don Quicksotte, was none other than Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet. This creature, no longer the young beaker with whom we opened our chronicle, had lost his adolescent sheen but had replaced that metallic hue with tastefully muted Farrow & Ball tones, and was now a mature bird basking in the High Summer of his years. I have no doubt…

Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet in his mercy chose this moment to enter into discussions concerning a vanity engineering project, which he hoped would set the seal on the success of his mayoralty.

…and sweaty eponyms combling that hall, to where the barons at their high table continued their carousel. Scoping Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet at the table’s end attempting to placate a visibly seething Mr Crass Cheseham, he limped to a place just behind that parrot’s chair, and slipped the billet under his wing, and made good his exit without giving Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet the opportunity to question him as to the note’s…

Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet the Mayor, covertly pursuing Hieronymus the toper of methylated cider, turned right from Stokes Croft into Ashley Road, advanced then a few yards, and very smartly scoped his quarry on the left, proceeding down Picton Street with a celerity which might have been considered rather to belie his apparent lameness. Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet, who very much wished to keep that fermented apple enthusiast in view, was now…

…in the course of their passage through door and airlock and inner door to the unattending ear of Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet, who moreover in his enervation kept his head buried under his wing.

…It was not, as might have been expected, upon Windmill Hill, where Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet upon his first arrival in Bristol all those years previously had built his very first bower of bliss. In point of fact, it was in what was, from the human if not the avian perspective, a rather more sequestered purlieu, viz. directly over the most ill-favoured, slimy kennel in the most impenetrable thicket pertaining to…

Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet had during his career in architectural design been the recipient of any number of lavish encomia. Oft had his breast been be-medalled, his brow be-garlanded. Prizes had been bestowed, toasts drunk in his honour. Sir Hearty Luncheon had prevailed upon Lord Handjob to award scholarships, and Lord Handjob had reciprocated by prevailing upon Sir Hearty Luncheon to fund bursaries. There was no denying that Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet…

…by the front gate, and discombobulating the receptionists there by his peremptory demands to be admitted into the Mayoral presence, so that he might communicate the intelligence about the dorking bird, withal omitting the diverse lacunae regarding variegation and the scotch style of dorking. His direct approach was, inevitably, unavailing in that House of Circumlocution. Finding himself very expeditiously driven thence by the staves of the resident beadles and the…