The sober and drab Mrs Arabella Melopsittaca, having had confirmed the lawful nature of her wedded union with Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet, discreetly underwent the discreet nomenclatural alterations discreetly undergone by her daughter, emerging from her holometabolous pupage as the resplendent Mrs Arabella Perroquet, acknowledged spouse of his Worshipfulness the Mayor. —
Arabella Melopsittaca
Alas, the time of Mrs Arabella Perroquet in this exalted state was doomed to a sad attenuation. For, triste dictu, she had some weeks since while preening herself detected a small growth underneath the hinge of her right wing. It was in the nature of Mrs Arabella Perroquet to harbour an atavistic fear of showing weakness, inasmuch as she did not wish to be carried away and gobbled up by a puss or an ape - nor, for that matter, was she at all in the habit of making known her views on the generality of other topics, except insofar as she was of course much in the habit of evincing a degree of approbation with regard to the display of petticoats and stays and adjacent items. And so, for these reasons, the tumour under her wing was suffered to grow and to fester without being brought to the attention of those friends and relations of hers who would have done everything in their power to help her. —
Arabella Melopsittaca
Inevitably, there came a time when her efforts to conceal her indisposition were unavailing against her nearest and dearest. The first to crack the carapace was that dutiful daughter of hers, Miss Isolde Perroquet, who ventured to seek an audience with that most respectable lawfully wedded husband of her mother, viz. Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet, in his office in City Hall. The great municipal parrot was at that time much concerned with the affairs of the polity, and at the behest of Sir Hearty Luncheon was frequently occupied with jumping through hoops in order to avoid the infliction of insupportable cant upon the Pierpont Morgan of Anchor Road. For these reasons he had much inclined to keep to his office, and largely to forgo the more sequestered delights of wedded bliss with Mrs Arabella Perroquet, and had therefore been lamentably purblind and oblivious to the sufferings of his spouse. Hence, it cannot be denied that, burdened as he was, he betrayed a certain quality of vexation when Miss Isolde Perroquet fluttered down and alit upon his office window ledge. —
Isolde Acridotheres, Hawksmoor Perroquet
The establishment in question, which rejoiced in the name of Perky Pets, was to be found quite a long way up the Gloucester Road, in a back street of Horfield. Thither they crawled in the official charabanc, piloted by Mr Jagtar Singh, black of turban and ill-fittingly braided, through interminable grinding traffic. Mrs Arabella Perroquet perched beside the Mayor on expensive cushions, which with her guano she occasionally besmirched, causing her acknowledged spouse to wince. Largely, she was silent, but for the occasional half-hearted exhortation that knickers be shown. It was high Summer and very hot, and a greasy white sky lowered over the roof-tops and the road. At length, Mr Jagtar Singh let it be known that they were in the vicinity of Perky Pets, and kerbed the limousine, and opened the rear doors, whereupon Mr Hawksmoor Perroquet prevailed upon his spouse to clamber down from her perch. Mr Jagtar Singh with gloved fist smote then upon the mighty gates of Perky Pets. Inquisitive nasal tones over intercom, muted by passage down wires. To which Mr Jaguar Singh replied —
Perky Pets
Sadly, as they found, the benefices of Perky Pets did not extend to the provision of VIP facilities, and so they were forced to endure the uncouth and inchoate savagery of the beasts in there. —
Perky Pets
“Perhaps that is not the avenue. The alternative, of course, is that you leave her with us. We use Nembutal. It’s a short-acting barbiturate. Depresses the central nervous system. Works a bird off very quick, does Nembutal, but does cost an amount which I shall of course specify.” —
Nembutal
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