Sir Hearty Luncheon

Beside her, Sir Hearty Luncheon, doyen of provincial merchant banking, and this late forenoon vey much resembling the form of an egg upon an exquisitely tailored boulder, drew breath, and then exhaled.

…indeed which, when Sir Hearty came to think of it, bore a disconcertingly close relation to cant. Wherefore Sir Hearty Luncheon, who never did bear the cant, now forbore by effort of will to consider beauty’s transience or other similarly morbid abstractions.

…entirely consonant, is to be in company with his associate and sponsor as Candidate in the Liberal/Whig interest, Sir Hearty Luncheon. The consonance of the two purposes is to be explained by resort to the fact that Sir Hearty finds that it perfectly well suits his own personal purposes also to be the sponsor of the Whig interest, considered as a legal person independently of its representation by Sir Ezra…

These being of bipeds two. Whereof Sir Hearty Luncheon, being one, biliously eyes the gorgeousness without, before clearing his throat with a majestic and portentous harrumph!

Ensconced behind the magnificent oaken desk in his study in the west wing, Sir Hearty Luncheon hears all this with, writ upon his brow, the lineaments of a profound depression.

The Lexus in which Sir Hearty Luncheon customarily was borne from place to place now smoothly trundled down that self-same thoroughfare, with at the wheel and sporting a fair quantity of brocade Mr Jagtar Singh. Beside and eke behind this redoubtable charioteer reposed, in warm naugahyde plush, Sir Hearty and a pair of fellow and in their own ways comparably prominent citizens who, peering out at the external desuetude, strove…

…more, upon this occasion down Anchor Road, within hailing distance of the great counting house of Handjob Luncheon. Sir Hearty Luncheon happened to be ensconced, in company with one Dives the billionaire, in the back of the Lexus being at that vey instant by Mr Jagtar Singh steered along that vey thoroughfare. Now, Sir Hearty happening to glance out of the window at all the unbearable cant blossoming obscenely without,…

…with quiet aplomb by Mr Jagtar Singh nosed along Clarence Road, there being ensconced in the back thereof Sir Hearty Luncheon, this late afternoon tebly enervated and utterly overborne by cant. This hour found him in company with his brother knight Sir Gerald Inhali, who in contrast to his vehicular host manifested a somewhat nauseating good cheer.

…Ashley Road, it took its sussurant repose upon the camber opposite the steaming windows of Bar Wanque, whereupon Sir Hearty Luncheon’s gaze chanced to settle upon certain vey desolate personages smoking angrily on the pavement.

…to emerge into the crisp sodium-lit night air - somewhat in the manner of papillon from chrysalid - Sir Hearty Luncheon. Sir Hearty looked about himself and, blinking once or twice, bestowed upon the world a profound sigh. Mr Jagtar Singh, reaching through the back door into the naugahyde plush, extracted thence and handed to its owner the Luncheon valise.

…Bath, for which travails he was expected to make do with a modest annual pittance, viz. £72,000 plus luncheon vouchers, corporate Chelsea tractor lease, and a pleasingly gamine personal assistant. In marked contrast to Mr Crass Cheseham, who to go with his beanie hat tended to favour dirty jeans and fleeces, Dr Mark Wankstain was ever such a natty dresser, a sporter of Italian tailoring and a neatly clipped beard.…

…The gentleman in question was none other than the aforementioned Sir Hearty Luncheon, who after apparently emerging from nowhere had turned himself into a panjandrum of provincial finance, in which capacity, in company with a certain Lord Handjob, he helmed a sort of integrated investment bank blessed with the moniker Handjob Luncheon. Sir Hearty occupied a considerable portion of spacetime, being of advanced middle age and seeming to extend for…