Herod

I asked them what his name was, and they told me that it was Herod.

Tunnel vision. Herod’s eyes swivelled and bored into my own. Peggy vented a giggle, abruptly stifled.

Harnessed thus by those foul arab straps to that disgusting, embarrassing white boner, Herod prowled among us, making his presence felt throughout the gym, even in its most secret, sacred and sequestered places. Ladies, and gentlemen too, learned no matter what they were at, to keep a weather eye for the White Willy, liable as it was at any moment to pop up from nowhere followed promptly by its host,…

Lastly, of course, Herod was there in his role of ringmaster, dark suit and gabardine, the White Willy jutting obscenely from his groyne; it being he who had inaugurated the formalities.

Herod seemed to wince at all this vulgarity, and then evidently decided not to extend the pause, but rather to complete his oration over the eructation and the petomania.

…Caliban, naked and hairy of back, stood staring truculently at the hot tub, that engine of his doom. Herod also was there, at the head of the troupe of playaz – the managers of the various overlapping competencies and their respective minions.

The question which most preoccupied us at this time concerned the provenance of Herod’s own White Willy. Most of the company aboard Pex ‘n’ Quads had heard tell of this dildo. But the greybeards had, until its first appearance strapped to Herod’s groyne, averred that it was a mythical beast, a cobbling together of elements of the imaginaria of wretches and outcasts residing in Tophet and the Vale of Hinnom.…

Consider now Herod who, no matter what path the White Willy pioneered, was ever immediately behind that repulsive albino dildo. Absent-mindedly did those pale digits and that opposing thumb caress the opaque inscrutable thing jutting from the wretch’s loins. An unstately and irregular progress through every floor and every room: present for a time in the basement, where the gorillas and chimpanzees sweated and … er … squatted and spat…

…to health, withal he was an Engineer both in name and calling, and despite also his subordination as Herod’s creature to that wretch’s Operational satrapy, yet was operating quite outside the parameters of the mezzanine/penthouse prize algorithm agreed between management and myself as the representative of the human guinea pigs. This blackleg scab rushed to do the bidding of his fatcat capitalist bosses rolling in cash, and thought nothing of…

Herod more than anyone – that is to say, more even than John Virgil Haruspex and Wilhelmina Vestalis Maxima, daughter of Alba Longa – hated everything that Quads & Pex down like fuckin’ Easton stood for, taking their very existence as a personal affront. Roundtable discussions were regularly conducted over beer & sarnies in the Easton Buttplough. However, on this occasion that venue had been double-booked with the annual Easton…

…charred corpse of the hipstress Evelyn Wagge was levered gingerly from the briny by rubber-gloved John Virgil Haruspex, Herod who was still there was heard to say

…by plausible heuristic that here ultimately was to be found the explanation for the misfortune which had befallen Herod given, as Mulholland & Yong-Hee remark in relation to the Brisbane case, that