White Willy

…me, I have girt myself by means of these here Arab straps with this instrument, which men call the White Willy.

…Ladies, and gentlemen too, learned no matter what they were at, to keep a weather eye for the White Willy, liable as it was at any moment to pop up from nowhere followed promptly by its host, and take a person unawares, and … and …

The question which most preoccupied us at this time concerned the provenance of Herod’s own White Willy. Most of the company aboard Pex ‘n’ Quads had heard tell of this dildo. But the greybeards had, until its first appearance strapped to Herod’s groyne, averred that it was a mythical beast, a cobbling together of elements of the imaginaria of wretches and outcasts residing in Tophet and the Vale of Hinnom.…

…became strained, gravid with unsought entendu, and tended to abort quite punctiliously if ever rumour was bruited of the White Willy’s presence in the purlieus or environs of that discourse.

…Herod, dark of beard and stern of countenance, standing in his cantilevered coat. And he rubbed feverishly at the White Willy, as if he thought to produce a genie from that sedulously faked penis, to spring forth from that terrible white thing and do his bidding. I also saw St Just then. That youth ever did seek to give offence to the lares and penates of every hearth he crossed,…

…Herod, he of no cahoonas, stood in his cantilevered overcoat, mug of tea in hand, loins girt with the White Willy, which gleamed in the reflected light of the neon strips in that artificial place. Striations and indents on the surface of that obscene thing drew me, though I list not and fain would have averted my peepers, to examine it. And I purposed despite my own higher purposes to…

…that this pampered popinjay, complaining bitterly that he was afflicted yet with the Boner’s Palsy got from touching the White Willy, and furthermore that his suit against Herod for compo in respect of this pox did not speedily progress, had concocted a plot against that eunuch in concert with some of the surviving Spartacists; these latter being loth to suffer the torments undergone by their predecessors in the mezzanine/penthouse prize…

…being betrayed by his endless fidgeting, when his fingers absent-mindedly caressed and rubbed the awful gleaming surface of the White Willy; for so many hours at a time that I bethought myself that a groove must inevitably be ploughed in that ghostly and ghastly dildo; withal this never happened, and that horrible thing remained pristine until the very end.

…bony shoulders, as though concealing a cathedral void in which nought save bats did tarry. I almost expected the White Willy to droop, partaking of the degenerative spirit of the personage to whom it was attached; marry, that huge plastic dildo was as rigid as ever, jutting boldly as a Puck poking twixt the stage curtains, causing certain wags to aver that it had a mind of its own. Yet,…

…Perspiration beaded on his brow. The latter corrugated by a scowl. Some condensation, as I noticed, also bedewed the White Willy’s counterfeit prepuce, where it jutted from Herod’s loins. The eunuch spake not unto me then, suffering me to pass in silence under his tutelary gaze. Nor spake I unto the obese harpies swinking behind their desk, but pressed into a pudgy hand of one of them the obol which…

…Haruspex of Quads & Pex down like fuckin' Easton claimed to have suffered from coming into contact with the White Willy. This personage politely examined the corpse of Dives the billionaire, and more or less wordlessly took in the scene, certain orders or memoranda then being muttered into the mobile couched in an exquisitely gloved hand.