Milton Djugashvili

…of years now been the preferred watering hole of the local democratic socialist firebrands Jerome Jubeyter, Old MacDonald, Milton Djugashvili and their sidekick Chris Skeletor, these gentlemen favouring the front terrace, with its enchanting prospect over the refulgent Capability Brownesque carpark of the neighbouring medical practice. Here, fortified with lager and Talcum of Medellin, the triumvirate holds court; which is to say that they compete with the several resident charismatic…

“I rather think that it is your turn,” murmured Mr Milton Djugashvili the rather dirty Wykehamist, crossing one white skinny jeaned leg over its fellow, “besides, I cannot be expected to undertake the office in these trysers. You may think me fastidious, but I have a bit of a thing about going around visibly covered in other people’s shit stains. It is not a good look, I think.”

…allowed some few moments to elapse following the departure of that gentleman, during which he assiduously buttered up Mr Milton Djugashvili, and just as assiduously condescended to the rest of the petty, piffling, putrid sowshalists. Eventually, having determined that Mr Crass Cheseham would by now be cursing and drumming his fingers in frustration at having been kept waiting, Mr Vercingetorix Bumhole wiped the figurative froth from his upper lip and,…