Onanisticles the scagsmith

- No, said Onanisticles the scagsmith lingering still, but all the same, having once beat such overwhelming odds, you must not linger over the dice. Fly away now, son of Astarte, fly away and never return.

In the Buttplough in Easton, our emissaries chanced upon Onanisticles the Scagsmith. This discarded plastic bag reasoned with us that, since Ianeass the Gimp had by changing place with Costa liberated himself from his thralldom to the Old Disgrace & Bristol Sikhs CC, it followed that he Onanisticles was no longer bound by any ties to Ianeass the Gimp, for the ropes that had bound him to that Gimp were…

Moreover, armed with certain informations proffered by Onanisticles the Scagsmith, and emboldened by the ease with which they had persuaded him to sign up to an eternity of cockwashing, the emissaries approached with similar blandishments Ianeass the Gimp in the bar which he nowadays frequented, viz. the Ghastly Hipster opposite Turbo Island. For it was surmised that, in the fullness of his years and given the somewhat mystical elements which…

…These happened to be an ill-assorted trio consisting of Petra Mountjoy, her restive subordinate Colloid, and Onanisticles the scagsmith and quondam factotum to Ianeass the Gimp, whom the latter had evidently, notwithstanding his initial disappointment, dredged up from his cockwashing duties in the bowels of Pex ‘n’ Quads. These four performed an elaborate sort of counterpoint with one another, Ianeass laughing and pointing and egging on his companions to share…

“I have to confess,” replied in conciliating tones the dark form, which the gloom’s attenuation now revealed as Onanisticles the Scagsmith, “I have to confess,” quoth he, “my participation in the caper, pleading in mitigation my own reluctance. Not to put too fine a point on things, I was coerced by the silver-tongued platitudes of Ianeass the Gimp, whose bondsman I am, into attending here.”

Onanisticles the Scagsmith put in an overdue appearance.

Onanisticles the Scagsmith simpered.

“Of course,” said vey sombrely Onanisticles the Scagsmith, “it would be anathema to suggest otherwise. An article of faith, surely.”

…creature, “is that you are to be recognised by the lesion upon your groin. It was I,” added Onanisticles the Scagsmith, “it was I who prevailed upon Sergeant Drew to carry you hither, in case you was wondering.”

…On the other hand, it had been vey commendable of him to suggest that Onanisticles the Scagsmith take his place, even if such a suggestion would never - could never - have been acted upon. That chep’s resemblance to an erect todger would have been remarkably serendipitous, despite in the final analysis in no whit diminishing the Golden Bovinity of the thing. Jolly handy with the pretexts though. Not the…